


Heathens

by EctoHoltzmann, ForxGood



Series: The Five Families [3]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Blood, F/F, Mild torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 15:46:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9448760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EctoHoltzmann/pseuds/EctoHoltzmann, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForxGood/pseuds/ForxGood
Summary: Holtzmann apprehends an intruder inside the compound, determined to pull as much information out of his with any means necessary. And it takes a visit from the assassin's mentor to force Erin and Holtzmann to face the true meaning of their relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part three in The Five Families AU with ForxGood. Directly follows Difficult.

She was dragging the bastard down the hall down to the basement room she used for more unsavory activities. Her blonde hair was down, having fallen in the fray. Her shoulder ached… the stitches having popped, blood running down her arm. 

Holtzmann was angry, violently so as she had her remaining men tied him to a steel chair. She turned, walking back out to go upstairs to knock on the door. Erin would want to see this. The assassin didn’t say a word as she was met with familiar eyes, instead, she silently motioned for her to follow… leaving a small trail of blood on the floor. She didn’t fucking care right now.

Erin had been busy making her own phone calls, getting the additional stack of personnel files delivered to her. She wasn’t an idiot; she wasn’t going to go get them herself while Holtzmann was off fighting a minimum of one intruder. One generally meant multiple, and Erin holstered her own gun while she waited, double-checking she had enough ammo.

(In another life, she would have been pleased to know she was almost overly-prepared in every world)

She had been pouring over the files when she heard Holtzmann return, Erin carefully closing the folders and picking up her notebook before she opened the door. Seeing Holtzmann all banged-up like that, Erin’s initial thoughts were less than appropriate considering their current situation, and so she instead decided to focus on her slight annoyance at the fact that Holtzmann had popped her stitches.

(Hey, she had been proud of her handiwork. All of that undone by incompetent staff… Someone was going to pay for this).

She had already been stabbed tonight, stabbed and now her knuckles were busted along with her lip. Questions fell on deaf ears as she re-entered her private interrogation room, staring down at him.

“Alright, what’s the situation?” She asked, following Holtzmann downstairs. She frowned a little when she didn’t get an answer; Holtzmann only did that - shutting down on her - whenever things were truly serious. Fear gripped her heart for a split-second; had someone overpowered them? Was that why they had sent Holtzmann to fetch her? Did they know? But she immediately dismissed those thoughts. After all, if people knew, they wouldn’t have left her and Holtzmann alone. Erin knew she was the blonde’s only real weakness, a sentiment she returned wholeheartedly, so leaving them alone made no sense.

One of her men, filled in the gaps of information. Holtzmann didn’t even need to speak. He was with the Bradleys, and he knew too much, having followed Holtzmann back to the mansion from her earlier activities. He immediately started yelling. Spouting off that the blonde was a traitor, that she was orchestrating a frame job.

When the door shut behind them, leaving them with the Bradley intruder, the fear returned for a split-second. Because if one person knew about their plan to take an entire family out of the running, how many others knew too?

Holtzmann moved quickly, kicking the chair hard enough to send it rocking back and clattering to the floor, the intruder still tied down to it. Then he started to struggle and she smirked as she walked towards him, settling a foot on either side of his chair as she crouched down to stare him in the eyes.

Again, she quickly dismissed those concerns as ridiculous, knowing this particular scheme hadn’t been in the works long enough for it to have gotten out, but it was still enough for her to shoot a pointed glare at Holtzmann. “You let someone follow you?” She hissed, anger clear in her posture. Oh, someone was going to pay for this slip-up. Multiple someones, if Erin had anything to say about it.

(She did. A plan was already hatching, and she knew she wasn’t particularly going to like the outcome).

“Who else did you spout this lie to?” 

“I’m not lying you cu-” She hit him, hard, enough so that the resounding crack of the back of his skull hitting the cement echoed hollow in the room.

“Who. Else?” When he attempted to struggle again, there was another strike. When he tried again… she pulled a knife from her boot, stepping around him and dragging the chair back upright.

She was losing patience.

 

There was a lot of screaming. Holtzmann having ignored Erin’s words. She knew what she had to do. Get what she needed, then tie up loose ends. It was how she operated… which is why she was one of the best in the business. 

She in the process of slowly turning her blade in stab wound number four, and his resolve broke. He stated, between gasps, that he had barely caught a glimpse of her across town and chose to follow her. Holtzmann straightened up, a little bit of blood matting and dripping from her blonde hair. 

As much as she trusted Holtzmann to know what she was doing - you didn’t get to be head of security and personal bodyguard to the Don’s daughter without being almost overly qualified - Erin was more than a little annoyed at being ignored by the blonde. After all, she was still the one in charge here.

Still, she left Holtzmann to it, leaning back against the wall as she glared at the Bradley member, silently observing and planning. Clearly, none of the information had spread. She suspected Holtzmann knew she’d have to keep it that way, Erin’s hand calmly moving to rest over the gun strapped to her thigh. 

She fished in his tattered jacket pocket, producing his phone. No received or placed calls. Good. That meant this information was just with the people in this room. Holtzmann leaned in very close, taking her knife and gently slitting part of the rope when his eyes were on her’s. It was a dare.

The moment she saw Holtzmann approach the man again, she stopped, her, swapping her gun out with Holtzmann’s before the blonde slit the ropes around the man’s wrist. To her guards, it would seem like Erin was simply using this to confirm the order, but the redhead knew better.

He took the bait too, breaking the bond enough to stand and attempt to swing the chair at her. It was the act of a desperate man. She had moved to walk away from him, eyes on Erin in front of her before she sidestepped his attempted and shot him. He landed dead at Erin’s feet.

Holtzmann turned her sights quickly on her two remaining men in the room with them, and shot them both in the head, stepping over bodies. She found her men’s firearms, picking spots in the room and emptying clips, setting the stage. “Protocol, Ma’am.”

It was all she could say to Erin. They knew what was to come next as she turned the pistol on herself, taking a breath before the let loose a round in her side, dropping down to a knee with a grunt, now covering the wound with her hand.

No one else in this room was going to live through the night.

Clearly, Holtzmann had the situation covered, but Erin still wasn’t satisfied with the results. If she wanted to sell this, and sell this well, this was going to have to look unavoidable. And it would have to; she couldn’t justify the murder of two guards for no reason.

“Get up.” She glared at her, holstering Holtz’s gun, feeling only the tiniest shred of pity for the blonde at her feet. There was no room for affection, not yet. Business first, then pleasure, that was how they rolled. “You’re going to have to make this look believable. He got loose, no one saw it coming. There was a struggle. He unfortunately managed to get the guards before you subdued him.” 

Pulling the blonde up by her collar, Erin’s face showed little to no emotion, every bit the cold-hearted mob boss’ daughter. “Hit me, shoot me for good measure, then take back your own damn gun. We’ll talk about how this situation occurred later. Right now, the cover-up is more important.”

 

There was… a lot of blood pooling around her, but she allowed herself to be drug up by the collar regardless, flipping her blonde hair back as she steadied her breathing. “I intend to.” Her cold eyes watched the taller woman for a moment, debating on a few things.

Holtzmann punched her hard in the stomach, waiting for her to double over just enough before her fist connected with the side of her head. Holtzmann painfully bent over, her hand clutching her side once more as she picked up a guard’s pistol and released a round into Erin’s thigh. That would do. It was definitely one of her better cover ups… nothing compared to Gorin’s, but it was good.

The assassin took her gun back from it’s spot in Erin’s belt, holstering it before offering her hand to her lover to help her to her feet. They would both be limping out of here.

Erin would make the call to their doctor, she was good at making anything sound convincing, Holtzmann was too closed off to really speak anyway.

Erin was cursing up a storm, spitting out some blood as she helped Holtzmann back up, before grabbing her phone and dialing their usual physician. She was fuming with rage, her worry for Holtzmann only fueling her anger. Because this should not have happened. The exact reason she had Holtzmann by her side was to prevent these things from happening. Sure, accidents happened, but with her hurting lover and her own wounds… Yeah, someone else was going to bear the brunt of Erin’s rage sometime soon.

 

By the time they made it back up the stairs and out to the foyer, the medic had arrived. He was an honest man, even if he was on the payroll. Holtzmann, even though she was in horrible pain, still fought to say by her side. Grabbing the doctor by the collar and threatening to gut him in a hushed tone. He would patch them up in the mansion, he always did.

They made it to the upstairs situation room before they noticed how much blood Holtzmann had lost, the blonde blacking out before she ever hit the floor.

It was all the redhead could do not to scream in frustration when she saw the blonde hit the floor, glaring at the man to for the love of god patch up the blonde right the fuck now. Because she refused to lose Holtzmann to something as stupid as a lousy Bradley lackey. Or actually, in this case, to the blonde’s own inaccuracy when causing her own injuries.

Honestly, Holtzmann, your shoulder was already much too banged up for this nonsense.

As their physician worked on Holtzmann, Erin decided to patch herself up, growing more and more angry by the second. Because of Holtzmann hadn’t been so fucking stupid or impulsive, if she had just allowed Erin to take the lead on this, then maybe the man currently working on Holtz could actually have patched her up first. It was a selfish desire, but it was the only way Erin knew how to keep even remotely sane.

When she was done stitching up the bullet wound, holding an ice pack to the side of her face, she dialed another number, calling up Holtzmann’s old mentor. She had wanted to organize a meeting with her soon anyway, and with Holtzmann out of it like this, this seemed like the perfect time.

She also had her work brought from her own room to the situation room, working away and staying by Holtzmann’s side as she slept, yelling at multiple people do do their fucking jobs and just follow her fucking orders, being questioned on a few of her decisions more than once.

The blonde didn’t wake up until the next morning, Erin having fallen asleep for a few hours on top of her work, but having gotten up relatively early again. Looking up, she raised a brow at the blonde, her face showing an almost detachment towards her. “Good, you’re up. We’re meeting with Gorin in an hour. Try to look presentable.” Because she was one to talk. She hadn’t left the room since last night, looking absolutely horrible herself.

 

She felt like she had been hit by a train, but she sat up regardless, easing herself to stand and look down at herself. Someone had patched her up well. It hurt a little to breathe, but she felt okay other than stiffness and an overall ache in her body.  
Holtzmann made her way to Erin’s office, looking over and finally meeting her gaze. That bruise would fade quickly enough. She should have felt worse for hitting her… part of her did, the other was silent. Nerves would have been a problem if she were anyone else at the mention of mentor’s name. Even though it didn’t play across her features, she was happy to see her. Gorin was like her mother.  “Yes, ma’am.” 

She kept a few suits in the walk-in closet in Erin’s room, finding herself an all black outfit. Holtzmann would have pinned up her hair, but her shoulder was preventing that. Instead she found her holster and gun, slipping the harness on before buttoning up her jacket.

The use of the title made Erin bristle, Holtzmann’s uncaring tone rubbing her completely the wrong way. Sure, their professional relationship had a certain detachment to it, but formalities were something Erin had tried to get Holtzmann out of using when they were alone. Sighing, she slammed the file she’d been reading shut - more info on the Bradleys, Erin hoping to figure out the best way to get her retaliation on the family - before getting up and following Holtzmann. She probably had to fix her own outfit as well, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Still, she supposed she had to make a certain form of good impression on Rebecca Gorin, so she got out one of her more classy dresses, getting changed in the same room as Holtzmann did.

(They’d been sleeping together for a year now, there was no use in modesty, really).

“I understand that you are angry with me.” She tried her best to soften, but it wasn’t working. Yes she wanted to kiss her, tell her she was sorry for being the way she was, but it was as if she could never find the words. 

Working on covering the worst of the bruise up with make-up, she sighed at Holtzmann, looking over to her with a sharp glare. “That’s just the fucking point, isn’t it?” She asked. “I’m not angry with you. Not for what happened, at least. But you acting like you’re some fucking martyr is what’s really pissing me off right now.”

Sighing, she shook her head, getting up and walking towards the door. “We’ll talk about this later. Can’t keep Gorin waiting.”

She didn’t say anything in response to Erin, keeping her mouth closed as she followed just behind her, masking the pain she felt in her ribs and the rest of her. It would take time for her to fully mend, but she was fairly sure she would push through it until then.

 

When Gorin was met with them, her own men moving away slightly as she approached and greeted Erin. They conversed between themselves before Gorin shifted just enough to look at Holtzmann, concern covering her face. She was like the woman’s daughter after all.   
“Jillian.” She reached up, cupping the younger woman’s face and tilting it up to better look at the damage. “What have you done to yourself?” Her tone was very blunt, but she would see the worry in her eyes.

“We had an incident last night.” Her eyes flicked over to Erin before turning back to Rebecca. “I was not at my best.” Gorin knew what that meant, noting the injuries Erin had as well, even if she did try to hide it with makeup. The older woman knew what this meant for Holtzmann as well, she would run herself into the ground, bury everything and lock herself up.

Gorin took a step forward and pressed a kiss to Holtzmann’s cheek in a motherly fashion before setting her attention back on Erin. “I severely doubt that we will be having our meeting in a hallway. After you.”

Erin just watched, letting the two have their little reunion for a bit. As annoyed as she was right now, anger still coursing through her like a poison, she wasn’t cruel. And if Holtzmann was shutting down on her, maybe Rebecca Gorin could help her.

(It was why she had set up this meeting so soon. She knew Holtzmann needed someone, and if the blonde was too stubborn to talk to Erin, maybe Gorin could help).

Motioning for the guards to stay outside, Erin lead the duo into her father’s old office. It wasn’t fully cleared out yet, some of his old stuff still lying around, but Erin didn’t really care. She was angry, and with what they were about to discuss - and with whom - this final Fuck You to her father would at least prevent her from actually breaking something.

Taking her seat behind the desk, she motioned at the other chairs in the room. “Sit.” Her tone was still cold, all business laced with anger, as she crossed her legs and fixed her steely gaze on Rebecca. “I have a proposition I want to discuss with you, what with my father’s unfortunate passing and all.”

 

Holtzmann walked passed the desk, standing protectively to Erin’s right, eyes not really focusing on anything even though she was always listening to the conversation. Rebecca crossed her own legs as she sat, heels flashing as her dress shifted.

“I have a feeling I know what this is about. Everything has been in upheaval since your father’s funeral.” She shifted, rolling her neck for a moment before fixing Erin with a cold stare, peering at her over the edge of her glasses. Gorin’s severity was something of common knowledge. She was a woman who got things done, effectively, she hadn’t taught Holtzmann everything for nothing.

She wasn’t called the Doctor for nothing. Rebecca Gorin was near clinical with the way she approached ever situation, especially when it came to a situation that required her special set of skills. Ones you could see reflected in Holtzmann.

“You want to fast track our agreements. And possibly alter your father’s.” She had dealt with young women like Erin before. All ambition wrapped up in a pretty package. Except Jennifer had held more tact.

“Either way, you need my help. Off the books. Because I know…” She finally turned her attention to Holtzmann, the younger woman with a mirror image expression on her face. “…what you both have done.”

She knew Jillian… she knew when something had her signature on it. Even if everyone else around them was none the wiser.

This unnerved Erin a little, the redhead shifting in her seat as she raised a brow at Gorin, almost daring her to judge her for what she had done. For what they both had done. Sure, family mattered in this world, and being labeled a kinslayer was the worst possible offense in this world. But each rule had its exceptions, and Jonathan Gilbert had not been a man who was well-liked.

Still, there was now a possibility that everything could fall apart with one word, meaning Rebecca Gorin held most the cards in this situation. Of course, Erin still had Holtzmann as leverage, but how much worth did that claim have, really? Their relationship was the worst kept secret in this world, and if Rebecca Gorin had seen through this well thought out scheme to take the Bradleys out of the running for good, then surely she knew how Erin felt about Holtzmann.

She tried not to let her nerves show, focusing instead on the task at hand. “Indeed. I know my father was the one to make the initial arrangements regarding our treaty, but it is no secret that my father and I did not see eye to eye on everything.” To put it mildly. “I still hope to keep the treaty in tact, but I did want to propose a few changes.”

 

“You are referring to the human trafficking.” If anyone detected the slight change in Holtzmann at Gorin’s words, nobody seemed to acknowledge it. The blonde was wrong, her mentor saw it and motioned for her to approach her. Holtzmann did, or course she did. “Jillian would you please excuse us for a moment? Thank you darling.”

Holtzmann didn’t like the idea of leaving Erin’s side, looking back at the redhead for some sort of approval. Not that it mattered. Gorin was the sole person she would trust Erin with, she was more dangerous than the blonde… and she pitied the soul that made any attempts while her mentor was around.

The blonde left with a nod, walking out the door and closing it quietly, now face to face with the men that she had grown up with. They would catch up, in their own way, while they waited. Inside, the conversation continued.

“I’m sorry, Erin. But the trafficking is a tender subject with Jillian. Now. What do you have in mind?”

Erin nodded, but held her tongue while Gorin sent Holtzmann away. She shot the blonde a small smile, hoping to communicate that she would be fine, but it seemed Holtzmann was still in that dark place of hers. Wonderful.

She pushed those thoughts aside for now, instead focusing on business first. In a way, she was glad there was no need to pretend with Rebecca Gorin around, knowing the older woman was fully aware of what she and Holtzmann had been up to. So she nodded as Holtzmann left the room. “It’s not my favourite subject either. But it needs to be discussed. I doubt you’ll be surprised to learn I plan to end that particular side-business of my father’s. However, from what I know about this agreement our families have, a lot of it was based around that venture somehow. So I have a counter offer.” 

Erin leaned forward a little, hoping to god she wasn’t misreading this situation too much. She knew Holtzmann trusted Gorin, and she knew Gorin cared about Holtzmann, and she also knew both of them had hated her father as much as Erin had. As a result, she was counting on the other woman’s support, especially considering the abolishment of the trafficking scheme. But Rebecca Gorin had always been a force to be reckoned with, and Erin knew full well she couldn’t just assume anything. 

“Rather than protection for the ring, I request your silence and your support. I know you are aware of how I acquired my new position, and I suspect you are also aware that what happened to the Norths wasn’t the Bradleys’ fault. However, they are currently the scapegoats for these high-end murders. My plan was to take them out of the running for good, reduce the 5 families to 4. Make the city more manageable for all of us.” Looking at Gorin, Erin’s gaze softened a little. “I’m willing to release Jillian Holtzmann from her duties here, no questions asked, if that’s what it takes.”

 

“You could do that. But I know her. She would never leave your side.” She alternated her crossed legs and she locked her fingers politely in her lap, lifting a brow as she considered everything. “Honestly, I would have to drag her back.” Gorin chuckled a little at the thought before tilting her head, thinking about the offer.

“Yes, I am very much aware of the events that have unfolded. Although lucky for us, the rest of our affiliates have yet to pick up on it.” She studied the younger woman, cold eyes searching her features and her mannerisms. As shady as she knew Erin to be, she knew she couldn’t like to the older woman. 

“Instead of a proposal, why don’t we consider my cooperation a gift? After all…” She looked down over her glasses to look right into the younger woman’s eye. “… you are taking care of my daughter.”

“Are you sure about that?” Erin asked, clearly skeptical about that. “Because lately, it seems like she’d rather be anywhere but here. She-” Erin suddenly seemed to realize that she was no longer talking business, but rather about personal matters, and quickly shook her head. “Never mind. I can count on your support, then? I plan to set up a meeting with the Norths within the week to discuss these matters, but if all goes to plan I expect no trouble there. And what with the Tolans still having their territory feud… I expect to be able to pull this off.”

Was that too much justification? Perhaps. But Erin was more than a little intimidated by the older woman sitting in front of her, knowing she had much, much more experience than she did, and knowing she could essentially make Erin’s little scheme unravel with just a few words. The fact that Rebecca was essentially a mother figure to Holtzmann also didn’t help matters, but at least Erin might actually be able to do something useful with that. “I think that’s all I had in mind… Oh, one more thing.”

Her gaze softened, then, all shreds of professionalism falling away. “Could you talk to Holtzmann? Something has been bothering her, and you know she doesn’t talk to me about it. She never does.” And there was that anger again, that bitterness, that absolute certainty that Holtzmann still didn’t trust her, despite everything. “But she needs someone. You, possibly.”

“This business involving your father…” Gorin paused turning just slightly to stretch her senses to know Holtzmann was still on the other side of that door. The older woman seemed to shift, like an immense weight had just settled around her. “It runs very deep with her.”

She reached into her purse, producing a thin cigar and lighting it before she continued. There were layers to this, to Holtzmann, but she knew that certain confessions weren’t her’s to tell. Her eyebrow raised at the younger woman’s words… Was she really that blind to what had happened? Had she not dug that deep into her late father’s records? It appeared not.

“She needs you more than you know, Erin. If you want her to talk… you will have to be kind. As odd as it sounds.” She gently tapped some of her ash into the ornate ashtray on the wooden desk. “I know what is wrong with her… but it is not my story to tell, darling.”

“She hasn’t shown any interest in wanting to share it with me either.” Erin sounded petulant, she knew this. She was acting like a child, but right now it was either that or lashing out at the other woman - her preferred outlet - and she didn’t have that much of a deathwish.

But fuck it, Erin was hurt. Holtzmann shutting down on her, treating her like she was nothing more than the blonde’s employer when Erin needed her now more than ever… It hurt. And as that feeling began to sink in, the redhead’s anger slowly seeping away as a result, Erin seemed to deflate visibly.

She stood gracefully, her added height from her heels causing her to tower over the smaller woman, but her demeanor and expression softened. “This feeling that you two refuse to confront… you need to. It is chipping away at you, I can see it plain as day… and it’s killing her.”

“I could have lost her, Rebecca…” Her voice was quiet, almost uncharacteristically so. “I mean, I can lose her every single fucking day, I know this, but this… It could have been prevented. She could have been more careful. And now she’s just shutting down on me and I don’t know what to do and it’s like she’s not even trying anymore. Like she doesn’t care what happens to me.” 

She looked back down at the younger woman in a motherly fashion, even though her eyes narrowed at the use of her first name. She would let it slide this once. “If you almost lost her, then give her a reason to care about living… she… she goes to a dark place because she doesn’t truly have an anchor. Not anymore…” Her words trailed off, thinking about the other woman that she had once considered a daughter-in-law. Her absence was the reason she didn’t care what happened to Erin’s father in the long run.

Sighing, Erin steeled herself again, regaining her composure. “I’ll look into it. Try to…. I don’t know. Just try, I guess. Which is more than I can say for her.” And there the bitterness was again. It seemed detachment and anger issues went hand in hand with Erin Gilbert.

 

Gorin let out a long exhale, eyes focusing on the red end of her thin cigar as she pondered what to say. Eventually, looking back at the door where Holtzmann waited, she decided. 

The older woman turned back, placing both hands on Erin’s desk and leaning in towards her, voice hushed. “Before I say this… I need you to know that the past four years have been the happiest I’ve ever seen her.” She paused, waiting to see a response from the woman before she continued.

“Before you ask her, preface it by saying I advised you to probe her on the subject. She will be frustrated, but she will understand. Ask her… what happened to Jennifer. And please, for both of your sake, reign in your anger… it will only make the conversation worse.” She straightened up, pulling on her wool coat. “And remember. She loves you so much. You just don’t see it.”

Erin looked skeptical still, but remained silent, allowing the other woman to finish speaking. After all, if Holtzmann really cared about her, why shut her out like that? Why treat her like she meant nothing, even in private? But she knew Rebecca Gorin knew the blonde better than Erin did, and so she vowed to try. To at least try to give her lover (ex-lover? Who knew anymore) the benefit of the doubt.

So she nodded. “I will. I’ll try. But if she still doesn’t…” She fell silent, not really sure how to finish that sentence. Getting up from her seat, she straightened out her jacket. “Either way, she’ll be free to go if she pleases. I’m no longer keeping her as collateral.” She spat out the word with venom, still horridly disgusted by the fact that her father had deemed it a good idea to use people as collateral in these kinds of situation. She understood its purpose, of course, but there was a time and a place. And a mutual understanding between two families was certainly not the place, at least not in Erin’s mind. “I don’t want her to stay out of obligation.” The ‘I want her to stay because of me’ went unsaid, but was heavily implied nonetheless.

“I believe this situation will soon come to a conclusion. Try not to fret over it too much, it will be fine.” Rebecca has crossed the room, opening the door quietly.

Holtzmann turned smoothly as the door opened, eyes meeting her mentor’s as the older woman gave her a kind smile and a hug, pressing a kiss to the blonde’s hair with a soft. “This too shall pass, Jillian. Remember that…oh, and try to pull yourself back… if just for her.”

She swallowed hard and looked up at the older woman. “Okay, I’ll try.”

In a way, Erin was glad the meeting had come to an end, the older woman’s presence unnerving her more than she liked, especially with Holtzmann’s absence. She was glad to be standing next to the blonde again, distant as she was, as they watched Rebecca Gorin leave. Angry as she was that the blonde just didn’t seem to give a shit about her, she also missed her, and she knew that if she wanted this to work, she’d have to be the one to swallow her pride.

(The things she did for love)

Looking over at the blonde, Erin tried her best to keep the annoyance form her voice. She wasn’t sure if she was succeeding completely, but she was trying, and Holtzmann at least had to give her credit for that. “Your mentor suggested we talk. Or at least let me talk, for a bit; there’s some things I wanted to discuss with you. Would you be up for that?”

 

Holtzmann watched Rebecca leave, a sad smile tugging at her features for a moment until she realized Erin was keeping her distance. She didn’t like that. Not one bit. When she spoke, they were alone, and Holtzmann turned to look at her.

Her mind began to race. What had Gorin said when she wasn’t in the room? If she was a lesser woman, she would have panicked, but she wasn’t lesser…

“I would… like that, Erin.” She fidgeted slightly before rolling her shoulders, trying to shake the tension from her muscles. The blonde swallowed hard and then tilted her head to the side quizzically.

“Where would you like to talk?” She needed to sit down, this much she knew. Her side was still throbbing and it was hard to move. Her hands still tight from her scabbing knuckles, the pain in her shoulder was sharp and incessant. 

Erin felt the corners of her mouth tug up into a smile at the use of her first name. It was a strong improvement from the distant ‘ma’am’ title that Holtzmann had been using until then. Maybe there was hope after all. Maybe the blonde did care.

“Thank you.” She nodded, feeling her own rage simmer down a little more. “Bedroom? This is a conversation between us, and I don’t want to be disturbed for it.” She didn’t wait for Holtzmann’s approval as she turned to walk away, but she did keep a close eye on the blonde, ready to shoot to her side and help her up should her injuries prove too much.

When they reached the room, Holtzmann sitting down on Erin’s bed at the redhead’s insistence, Erin turned to face her, hands clasped in front of her as she looked at Holtzmann. “Do you want to talk? Or should I.”

 

She let out a soft groan as she sat down, letting the tough facade drop. Holtzmann hurt everywhere and not just physically either. In a way, this was a surprise, the blonde having not been sure if Erin would even want her back into her room after the disappointment she had felt radiating off of her last night.

Holtzmann started to fidget again before taking another deep breath and looking up at Erin, trying to keep her expression soft. “You first. You said that Gorin had told you to ask me something?” She still didn’t like that fact, priding herself on being a private person.

Erin nodded slowly, sensing Holtzmann’s discomfort as she spoke. “She did. But first, I want to get something else out of the way, in the interest of full disclosure. That agreement keeping you here? It’s off. The relationship between our families is now one of mutual trust and understanding. No more human collateral. To me, this means you can walk out of this room anytime you want, no questions asked. I don’t want you here if the only reason you’re staying is some sick sense of obligation.” I want you here for me. I want you here because you want me. She could only hope the tone of her voice and the look in her eyes managed to communicate that message to Holtzmann, the words dying on her lips as Erin struggled and failed to get them out.

Sighing, she looked at Holtzmann, her voice softer than before. “What I’m saying is; I hope you’ll stay. But I’ll understand if you don’t.” Her heart was hammering away in her chest now. God, this is why she hated dealing with emotions. Emotions, feelings in general, they made a person weak. Vulnerable. And Erin hated that. Instead, she decided to turn the tables, make sure that at least she wasn’t the only one suffering through this here. “Tell me what happened to Jennifer.”


	2. What Happened to Jennifer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghost from our pasts rarely stay hidden.

Her eyes went wide at the thought of being released from her duties, but she began to shake her head no. She didn’t want to go. She loved Erin… even if it didn’t feel like she loved her back, at least not often. “Erin, I don’t want to leave… I’m not going to just…” She didn’t have the words for it, not at the moment. But she had risked reaching out and taking the other woman’s hand.

Erin felt herself breathe out a sigh of relief at Holtzmann’s words, even though she still wasn’t sure why the blonde had chosen to stay. Did she care about Erin? Or did she still feel some sense of obligation to her.

Then Holtzmann was hit with a metaphorical train. So that had been what Gorin had mentioned...

Holtzmann stiffened, not yet releasing the taller woman’s hand as she stared off into space at some point next to them. She couldn’t lock up, not now, Erin deserved to know… and Gorin had practically put this on a platter in front of them. She was forcing them to work out their issues…

“Jennifer was my wife…” the assassin’s voice was soft, near timid as she fought with her thoughts. Memories of wet pavement and holding the brunette’s limp body crossed through her mind. Seeing the plate of the car that drove off, knowing who had done it. Gorin having to physically stop the blonde herself from going after him. Holtzmann had killed fourteen people in the docks that night after realizing exactly what had happened. Erin’s father… wanted to try and break down Gorin’s syndicate, so in a way he went after Holtzmann.

Targeting her wife. Having her kidnapped and nearly tossed into human trafficking. But Jennifer was a fighter… even if that got her killed. It had been better than the alternative. Even if it had broken the blonde into tiny fragments of herself. That’s went she started to shut down, and the docks received a nice coat of red stain on the wood.

Insult to injury. That’s what Holtzmann’s service was in the beginning. Even though things had changed. But that had been a solid year after she culled his employees.

Lightly squeezing the blonde’s hand, Erin hesitantly sat down next to her, making sure to give Holtzmann the space she probably needed as she listened. She just… listened, not rushing to interrupt or push the woman sitting next to her. She knew that wouldn’t do any good, angry as she still was. She demanded answers, needed them, but she couldn’t force that on Holtzmann. Not right now, not like this. It would do more harm than good.

“He killed her… himself. Shot her in the head at the docks. Tried to force her into the service side of trafficking. She fought… so she died.” Even if she didn’t admit it, she needed human contact, squeezing Erin’s hand lightly even though she was expecting a smack to the face. “That’s why I’m like this.”

Her eyes welled as she chewed on her lower lip. “He took her ring…” 

She felt jealousy coil in her stomach at the mention of Holtzmann’s ex-wife, irrational as it was. It wasn’t even remotely the point of the conversation, but Erin had an inexplicable urge to punch the dead woman in the face nonetheless. Probably all the pent-up anger she hadn’t found a proper outlet for yet. She couldn’t even be angry at her father; he was already dead, she had already killed him. She wasn’t sure what else she could do to desecrate his memory.

(But by god would she try and find a way. She was nothing if not determined in her vengeance)

But right now, none of that mattered. She had never seen Holtzmann cry before - hadn’t even known if the blonde was capable of it, to be honest - and that worried her more than anything else. Carefully, giving the woman next to her enough time to move away, Erin wrapped her arm around the blonde’s shoulder, pulling her into a soft embrace. “I’m sorry.” She mumbled, though her head was still spinning with questions. Was that why Holtzmann had stayed? Just to get her revenge on her father? Was that all Erin had meant to her?

But she tried to fight those thoughts away. Surely if that was all it was, the blonde would have acted sooner. She could have used Erin as collateral, even. Instead, she’d more often than not risked life and limb to save her, to keep her safe. And vengeance missions were rarely long-cons. “Thank you for telling me.”

She fidgeted with her ring finger for a moment as she settled into Erin’s soft hold, the blonde wiping her eyes harshly. Holtzmann hated crying, ripping her glasses off and throwing them back somewhere on the bed. Holtzmann was surprised the other woman was even giving her the time of day after that. Did that mean that she cared as much as she did for Erin? Maybe. Loved? Who knew anymore…

The blonde calmed down, taking a deep breath before tilting her head back to stare up at the ceiling for a moment before finally looking back at the taller woman, shaking her head. “No. I never knew how to say it before… I’m sorry.”

She took a deep breath once more, shifting back to face Erin a little better in spite of her side killing her. “It’s been six years since she died.” Holtzmann started worrying her lower lip once more. “I know you don’t want to hear about her. I can shut up now.”

Holtzmann took a second and wiped her face once more.

Erin shook her head at that, her hand moving to rub soothing circles on the blonde’s back. She was never this affectionate, not really. She’d always seen it as a sign of weakness, something that could be exploited. She’d seen it often enough in her father, the man manipulating impressionable girls into businesses Erin didn’t really want to think about. She had vowed form a young age to never get herself in such a position.

Yet here she was, sitting next to Holtzmann, knowing she had somehow still managed to find her own weakness. Her one person she would burn entire cities to the ground for without batting an eye. The only person who could make Erin feel human, in a way.

“It’s alright.” Erin spoke slowly, still valiantly trying to keep her calm and cool facade. “She was important to you. I just… Have a few questions, if you don’t mind.” She didn’t really plan to wait for an answer. Holtzmann was free to go wherever she pleased. If she didn’t want to answer, she could go, leave Erin to mend her broken heart in peace. She just needed to know, the doubt still nagging away at her.

“Only one, really. I’m sure I’m wrong. I really want to be wrong. But you killing my father… Was that all this was?” God, she could hear her voice breaking, and Erin had never been more disgusted with herself. She was fine with acting weak, but this was real. And she still didn’t trust anyone - not even Holtzmann - not to exploit that. “Is that why you began shutting me out after the funeral? Because if that’s all…” Erin sighed, trying to find the right words to phrase her… feelings. “I don’t want you to stay for any other reason than me. I want you to stay because of me. I want you to want me. Not because you feel like you owe me, but because you want me. I can’t look at you ever day and wonder if you’re just here because you feel like you have to be. I don’t want you to be distant. I want you to let me in, let me…” Another sigh. “I don’t know. I want you to care, I guess, because I do.”

 

The blonde was surprised at the additional contact, letting out a long breath and closing her eyes as she tried to focus on it, use it as some sort of anchor… she couldn’t risk completely shutting down. Holtzmann let herself relax into Erin’s touch, a vulnerable moment that she risked because she loved the woman.

“If I had killed him in my first two years, then yes.” She reached out and gently touched Erin’s knee. She felt herself slowly becoming herself again, in a way Erin had probably never really seen.

“But… I didn’t. I don’t remember when my reasoning changed, but it did.” She took a steadying breath, swallowing what little bit of her personal pride she could to finally open up more. “I haven’t felt this way about someone since Jennifer, fuck I thought I never would. But you… you make me feel like myself again.” She smiled a little at Erin, shifting slightly to move a little closer.

“Please forgive me for my distance. His death, his funeral, It brought a lot of all wounds back to the surface.” She was talking animatedly with her hands now. “I’m staying for you, not some sense of duty, I don’t want to leave. I’ll stay as long as you still want me… even if this whole ordeal is enough to rip us apart. But I can’t leave.” She took a breath, steadying herself before lifting a hand to cup the taller woman’s cheek, locking her eye’s with Erin’s.

“I love you. And the more I denied it, the stronger it got. The more dangerous keeping things in it became.” Her eyes were soft. “Please let me love you, Erin. I can’t go on like this anymore.”

Erin nodded slowly, allowing Holtzmann to speak. That had been her reasoning too, but she had needed the blonde to say it. She had needed to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Holtzmann hadn’t just been using her. That she actually meant something to the blonde. That she hadn’t been letting her guard down for no reason.

Erin dared to smile at her, willing herself to let herself feel for a second. She’d been on guard around Holtzmann, hiding all her hurt behind a veil of anger, trying to tell herself that this way, she could pretend Holtzmann didn’t matter to her. That this way, it wouldn’t hurt when the blonde left, because Erin gave even less of a shit about Holtzmann than Holtzmann seemed to give about her.

It was difficult to tear down those walls again, but she willed herself to try, knowing full well she couldn’t do this all alone. “I forgive you.” She mumbled, slowly resting her forehead against Holtzmann’s. “And I’m sorry. For being difficult, for not…” She sighed, closing her eyes as she tried to find the words. 

“I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to have an even bigger target on your back than you already do. You’ve made me… care about you. To the point where I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. And saying it out loud… admitting that… it makes it real. And if it’s real, then that makes you a target. You. Not ‘Erin Gilbert’s bodyguard’, but you personally. And that…” she breathed out slowly, realizing she’d begun shaking a little. “That scares me. More than you know.”

 

The assassin listened quietly for a long stretch of time, nodding and chewing on her lower lip again. Holtzmann was pretty sure it was bleeding by now… again. It hurt though, not hearing the words returned to her. Part of the assassin wondered if she would actually ever hear Erin tell her that she loved her. She wasn’t sure how to deal with that thought either.

“I don’t want to lose someone again.” Her voice was quiet as closed her eyes, letting their foreheads stay touching as they were. She was working herself up to ask a very important question, but feeling Erin shake just slightly was enough for her to change things up, to wrap her arms around the taller woman protectively.

“And I have to know if this is going somewhere before I risk losing someone again. I need to know if I have something worth being careful for. I need you to tell me if you love me, Erin. Because if you don’t…” Her words trailed off and she swallowed hard, letting out a shaky breath.

“I don’t know how I’ll handle this purgatory.”

Erin took a shaky breath, leaning into Holtzmann’s embrace almost involuntarily. She wanted to say it. She wished she could. Holtzmann deserved as much. But every time she’d tried in the past, the words had died on her tongue. It was as if there was some form of invisible, intangible barrier, blocking herself from speaking those words out loud.

“I want to.” She breathed out, willing herself to look at Holtzmann. “I don’t even know why this is so difficult. I’ve said it before, to people, I’ve just…” She paused for a second. She told people she loved them, had lied straight to their faces about it to get what she wanted, to make men and women believe she’d do anything for them before she stabbed them in the back. But with Holtzmann, things were different. She was different. “I’ve never meant it. Not until now. This. You.”

She moved to take Holtzmann’s hand in her own, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself before continuing. “I want this to go somewhere. I do. The way I feel about you… It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. And that scares me so much because what you pulled the other day… I nearly lost you, Holtzmann.” Was she crying? Possibly. She didn’t even know anymore, too lost in her own inner battle to notice. “I feel it. I know I do. It’s just…” She locked eyes with Holtzmann, green meeting blue through glistening tears “Promise me you will be careful. When I say it. Because I can’t say it, I can’t make this real for me, if I’m going to lose you. I cannot lose you, Holtzmann. I love you too much for that.” The words sounded a little forced, the trouble Erin had with saying them all too apparent. But the way she was looking at Holtzmann, the desperation in her eyes, the way she was holding on to the blonde for dear life, begging her to stay… “Please let me be enough reason for you to be careful…”

 

She searched Erin’s face, seeing the emotions play across then far more clearly than the other woman probably thought. The taller woman always contained it, except for anger, but this was by far the most tender moment they had ever had. Funny how it took someone like Gorin to smack some sense into them.

She reached up with both hands, wiping the tears from Erin’s cheeks before slowly pressing her lips to the taller woman’s. It wasn’t passionate, not frantic or rushed as it had been all those times in the past, just slow.

“You are enough. You’ve always been enough, baby.” Even though the memories of Jennifer left her broken, Holtzmann had healed far more than either of them knew in the past few years. Nothing would change how much she’d loved her late wife, and Erin was never a replacement, but she was the only thing piecing her back together.

“This is hard for me too. Believe me, I find it fast easier to slit someone’s throat…” she actually chuckled, her lips ghosting over Erin’s jaw. Holtzmann straightened up, looking at the other woman fondly. “Did you… Did you want me to tell you anything else before you go diving into his old files from those days?”

She had been crying then, she noted, as Holtzmann wiped the tears away from her cheeks. Disgusting. She wondered what the blonde must be thinking of her now, seeing her actually crack and crumble a little. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

Instead, she focused her attention on kissing Holtzmann, tasting the blood on her lips as she slowly ran her fingers through the blonde’s hair. It was sweet, soft, more gentle than most of their encounters tended to be, and Erin found she really didn’t mind that all that much.

Before Holtzmann, she’d always wondered, sometimes, what ‘I love you’ really meant. Sure, she’d associated it with weakness, but she’d also known that wasn’t its true definition. But all the sappy, ‘romantic’ gestures and definitions had never really resonated with her either. They had been nice ideas in concept, but whenever a man had tried to wine & dine Erin, she’d never really felt much of anything.

(Many had tried, of course, including Phil. Erin had humoured them, sometimes, but she’d always known that these people would never be more than a blip on her radar)

And then Jillian Holtzmann had come along, and Erin had gotten herself much too invested, and it seemed she’d finally managed to grasp the concept of what it meant to really, truly love someone. It reminded her of a passage from an old sonnet she’d once read.

I really don’t know what I love you means. I think it means don’t leave me here alone.

She supposed it was as close to a definition as she was going to get, breathing in Holtzmann’s scent as she tried to compose herself again. She hated crying, hated the sign of weakness, but all the fear and hurt had apparently finally gotten to her. Though again, it seemed only Holtzmann could invoke those feelings from her.

She carefully shook her head after Holtzmann had spoken again, looking at the blonde with worried eyes, part of her still afraid she was going to lose her within the week, much as she tried to push those thoughts away. “Unless it’s anything you don’t want me to find out through reading the files, then no.” She replied, her tone softer than usual. “I trust you. All I ask of you is that you don’t pull a stunt like the one from yesterday again.” 

She carefully let her hand trail over the gunshot wound on the blonde’s side, looking at Holtzmann with genuine concern in her eyes. “Don’t go off alone. Don’t act solely on impulse, especially when I’m there to help. Let me help. Don’t take any more risks than absolutely necessary.” Cupping Holtzmann’s face in her hands, Erin leaned in again, their lips a breath apart. “I would burn entire cities to the ground it if means keeping you next to me, but I can’t do that if you insist on getting yourself hurt. So please, for me… Be careful.”

 

Her breath hitched at the other woman’s words, her eyes travelling down to her own wounded side. She knew she had been reckless, near foolish, yet she knew her own limits. “Alright, I’ll be more mindful.”

Holtzmann took the hand that was touching her side, giving Erin’s hand a light squeeze. She really didn’t want to worry her lover anymore. The assassin just wanted her to be happy with the blonde. Meanwhile she was internally considering what there was to tell Erin about the events from the past.

“The massacre six years ago down at the docks…” she paused, taking a breath and nodding at Erin. “That was me. It was the night she died… I killed fourteen of your men.” she shifted and swallowed hard, looking back up into Erin’s eyes.

“I’m sorry if… Any of your friends didn’t come home that night.” she was sorry, but at the time she had been fuelled with pain and rage.

“Thank you.” Erin replied, softly brushing her lips against Holtzmann’s. She knew she wasn’t going to stop worrying, not entirely. She was always going to be on the lookout, and would probably be a lot more tense over the next month. (Woe to those who had the gall to piss her off when she was this on edge. There would be a lot more murders in the upcoming weeks). But at least she had Holtzmann’s word, which meant the blonde would at least try not to get herself killed. And in this business, that was all someone could hope for.

Listening to the story about the massacre, Erin had to admit she wasn’t surprised to hear that. She would probably have done much more damage if someone had dared to kill Holtzmann, but then again, she’d always had a temper. In a way, she felt a certain sense of loss still, Erin having known each and every one of the fallen men personally.

A small chuckle escaped Erin’s lips nonetheless. “I suppose I have you to thank for getting rid of my ex, then.” Erin said, a small smirk playing on her lips. “He was getting handsy. You’d think I’d have learned not to sleep with my bodyguards after that…” Clearly, that had worked out perfectly.

She audibly laughed at the comment. Kinda liking the idea that she had offed her pushy ex. It was funny. She then paused as Erin stood, curiously watching her for a moment.

Something else was troubling her about that night, though. There was something nagging at the edge of her mind, like she was forgetting something, something important… She tried to recall what else had happened that night, her father coming home, being placed under house-arrest…

She recalled being given a ring a day later, though. One that had looked an awful lot like a wedding ring. Considering it had been a gift from her father, Erin had never worn it, simply tossing it in the back of her jewelry case somewhere, but what if…

“Give me a minute. Just…” Erin got up from the bed, walking over to her jewelry case and rummaging around in it for a while, until she found the item she had been looking for. Turning it over in her hand, the ring covered in a thin layer of dust from being neglected for so long, Erin walked back over to Holtzmann, sitting down across from her as she ordered her to hold out her hand.

“He gave me this, the day after…” She spoke slowly, placing the ring in Holtzmann’s hand. “It’s hers, isn’t it?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

 

The blonde held out her hand like she was told, her mouth going dry as she felt a small piece of metal. She wasn’t sure if she dared to look down at what she had recieved. When she did, her breath left her.

It was a smooth metal band, a few diamonds set within it. She went cold, staring down at it. All she could see was Jennifer in her mind’s eye. How happy she had been, crying when she told Holtzmann yes…

Her other hand came up and covered her mouth, turning the ring over between her fingers as she fought to choke back a sob. It didn’t work. “Th-thank you…” she slipped the ring onto her right ring finger, looking down at it as her thumb ran along it.

“Really. I thought it was gone forever.” she wiped her eyes once more. This was a reminder of what could happen to the people you love when I’m this business. “You know, she wasn’t even one of us. Just got caught in the middle…”

Erin nodded slowly, not at all surprised her suspicions had been proven correct. Her father had always had a penchant for taking trophies from his victims, especially trinkets with which he could ‘woo’ his daughter.

(You’d think that was an exaggeration, but no. Some of his touches had always been much too close for Erin’s comfort)

There was a reason she rarely ever wore his gifts, unless he insisted. In hindsight, now she was glad she’d always managed to avoid wearing that particular piece. She wasn’t sure how disgusted Holtzmann would be to know her wife’s wedding ring had been used with such disrespect for the other woman’s memory. Just leaving it in the dust to be forgotten about seemed better, somehow.

“I never wore it, if that makes you feel better.” Erin spoke, gently taking Holtzmann’s free hand in her own. “It’s just been gathering dust for the past 6 years. I had no idea what it was, or I would have given it to you sooner…” She shot the blonde a hesitant smile, a gesture of goodwill. “I wish I could have met her.”

 

“It’s okay…” The thought of some other woman wearing the ring was sickening, but she would never tell Erin that, instead she would keep that to herself. Holtzmann squeezed the other woman’s hand as her eyes focused on Jennifer’s old ring on her own hand. 

“I’m glad you didn’t though. Can you imagine my reaction if I was still just your bodyguard?” She chuckled a little and looked back at Erin, finally giving her a smile. “Your nice hardwood floors would be a different color probably.” The assassin leaned a little, bumping her shoulder against Erin’s playfully.

Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline and she shook her head with a small, breathy laugh, a smile tugging at the side of her mouth as she fiddled with the ring on her finger. “You would’ve called her a bitch.”

Liar. Erin knew Holtzmann well enough to know the blonde had just enough sentiment to be disgusted by the idea of anyone other than her ex wearing that wedding ring, but she decided not to comment on it. It wasn’t that important, anyway. Erin hadn’t worn it, and that’s all that mattered right now.

Instead, she found herself smirking at the blonde’s next words, not doubting for one second that Holtzmann would have at least seriously hurt her had she been stupid enough to wear that ring. It made her wonder if that was part of the reason her father had given her the item. Maybe he was hoping Erin would wear it, just to taunt Holtzmann. She doubted her father actually wanted her dead, but she wouldn’t put it past him to want to torture Holtzmann even more.

After all, he had assigned her to protect his only daughter, the one person who would have made for the perfect revenge kill.

“You would dare ruin my hardwood floors?” Erin mock-gasped, clutching the imaginary pearls around her neck. “That is cruel! They’re mahogany, you uncultured swine.”

Was it a bad joke? Maybe. But Erin really was just hoping to lighten the mood, even just a little. Smiling at Holtzmann, Erin tried her best to be supportive, to be the ‘proper girlfriend’ type - even if she did still feel like strangling either Jennifer or her father all over again. Clearly, she still had some unresolved anger issues to work out. “I don’t doubt that.” She replied, with a light shrug. “But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Probably would have made me like her better than if she was one of those trophy-wife activist types.”

 

Holtzmann couldn’t help but laugh at the other woman’s comment, cracking up at the mock insult as she shrugged her shoulder’s at Erin. It was nice to finally laugh genuinely and without any mirth. She was still thinking about her lost wife, but in a way she felt some sort of closure. It would be a lot to still work through by herself, but she did feel better just getting everything out in the open.

“Well, she wasn’t part of the business… but she wasn’t a trophy wife, that’s for sure. She helped kids. It was kinda how my family started digging into your father’s extracurricular activities on the docks.” The assassin looked back over at the other woman, giving a shrug as she wrapped an arm around Erin’s form. 

“So, in a way, it was because of her that the we got the ball rolling on dismantling his trafficking. Granted, it killed her, but… here we are.”  
“She sounds like a genuinely good person…” To say Erin was surprised was an understatement, but when she really thought about it, it kind of made sense.

Opposites attract and all that. Jennifer was probably the Jin to Holtzmann’s Yang, the white king to her black night, the light to her dark… And wow, this was getting much too poetic for Erin’s tastes. The point was, it made sense for Holtzmann to have fallen for her. Jennifer balanced her out. With a job like theirs, sometimes it was a good thing to be reminded that the world actually still held some goodness in it.

(Erin had never found such a person. All her lovers had been violent killers, desperate to impress her. They’d wine and dine her, kiss her feet and kill on command. All tools, the lot of them, hoping they’d be the ones to tame her. As if.)

“Worked out well, didn’t it?” Erin scoffed, carefully leaning her head against Holtzmann’s shoulder. “It took you 6 years - nearly 5 of which consisted of actual protection of that business - to get it done. In fact, this scheme only worked because he’d never even considered the possibility his ‘princess’ would dare kill him.” She shook her head. “He got you good; you and your family. Disgusting pig that he was.”

 

“Yeah…” Her voice was quiet as she wrapped an arm around Erin’s shoulders. “Yeah, he got me good… jerked me around like a dog he was scared would bite him. Well, looks like I did eventually.” She shifted to get more comfortable, letting out a soft sigh.

There were too many memories being laid bare, something she was never quite fond of. Jennifer needed to stay in her memories lest she become the blonde’s obsession once more… and she didn’t need that. She had Erin, had fallen in love again, the ghosts needed to stay buried in the past.

“I’m sorry, I really don’t want to discuss her anymore. It still hurts some, ya know?” She paused before turning her head to finally press a kiss to Erin’s hair, lingering just long enough to draw in her scent, ignoring the fact that she was still pressed against the assassin’s wounded shoulder.

“He had it coming.” Erin replied, looking up at Holtzmann with a small grin. “It feels good, knowing he knows it was me who gave the order. Knowing he died with the knowledge that his only child had been the one to do him in. All I regret it that in hindsight, the bastard probably would have been proud of me for pulling this off.”

She sighed, deciding to drop the topic for now, and allowing Holtzmann to do the same. “Onwards and upwards.” She mused, the vaguely familiar quote at the forefront of her mind somehow. “We still need to discuss security…” She hated to be bringing that up, but it was an issue they still hadn’t addressed. Because despite their best efforts, someone had snuck in. Someone had found out about their scheme. And that needed to be prevented in the future.

Holtzmann nodded in agreement. She understood their new position in this world they had built for themselves… and what they would continue to build. Holtzmann released her hold on Erin, standing up and lighting a cigarette with a small wince, her body still aggravated with her. “You’re right.” 

Her expression hardened as she considered their options. Granted she still believed this was her fault. “Personally, I think this was an isolated incident. But I do agree that we need extra precautions in place.”

Erin rolled her eyes as she saw Holtzmann wince when she stood up, reaching out and taking the blonde’s hand to pull her down next to her again. “Sit down, idiot. At least pretend you want to keep yourself healthy and alive.” It was a jab, probably, but Erin couldn’t really bring herself to care. If this - them - was going to be something permanent, she wouldn’t have Holtzmann pushing herself to unnecessary limits. Erin had always been one to properly take care of the things that could still be of use to her, and considering Jillian Holtzmann was much, much more than that…

Yeah, the blonde wasn’t going to get herself hurt if Erin even as much as thought that that could be prevented.

She jerked a little at being grabbed, narrowing her blue eyes harshly. “Do not call me that.” Holtzmann was serious, very serious. Despite how she felt, she would not be disrespected. She would leave if she felt put down. “Try to remember that I don’t work for you anymore, I’m here by choice. CHOICE.”

Erin glared at her, the familiar anger that she still hadn’t quite found a place for bubbling back up inside her. “So your little admission was what? A courtesy to me?” She snapped, her eyes blazing. “I actually happen to give a shit about your well-being, Holtzmann. You promised you’d be careful, that you wouldn’t keep pushing your own limits. If you’re back-tracking less than an hour later, what the fuck am I supposed to think?!” She sighed, then, shaking her head as she realized she’d let her temper get the better of her.

“Sorry.” She grumbled, not looking Holtzmann in the eye as she spoke. “Just… At least try to make sure you don’t get yourself killed.”

“Then don’t call me names.” she nearly spat the words, finally allowed to stand up for herself. The blonde then relaxed noticeably, sitting down next to Erin. The older woman would quickly learn that some buttons are best left unpushed.

Child.

That was the first thing that came to mind for the already pissed-off mafia boss. Jillian Holtzmann was acting like a fucking child, not being able to handle Erin calling her names because she was being too irresponsible. But she forced herself to take a few deep breaths, insisting that this was not an argument she wanted to have now. Besides, they both had their issues. Erin calling Holtzmann out for being childish when she herself had thrown more tantrums than anyone would be incredibly unfair.

It was difficult though, the anger making Erin stiffer and more distant than usual as she got up, making a mental note to head to the shooting range later. She had some serious shit to still work through if she wanted to be of any use tomorrow.

“There’s enough people on hand to increase security for the next few days, but I’ll need the hiring process done as swiftly as possible.” Erin spoke, again all business and no pleasure. “I can get you two full days off, four if there’s no incidents, but I’ll need you back after that, even just for hiring purposes. Think you can manage that?”

 

She lifted an eyebrow, amused at the other woman’s suggestions. True she could interview them, but they were dead now. “Unless you have a way to resurrect the men in question, I’m not interviewing anyone. I shot them all in the skull, remember? The most you can have me do is restaff.”

Still, she listened to Holtzmann speak, thinking the words over in her mind. She supposed Holtzmann was right, but it was a risk she wasn’t entirely willing to take. “It isn’t just that he followed you; it’s that he managed to find his way onto the premises. That should be impossible, especially for a mere Bradley lackey. If he managed to get in, it will be a breeze for the people from your family - or god forbid, the Norths. I expect you’ll interview our employees and find out exactly what happened there? I don’t want to double the guard roster immediately - they’re even more useless on severe lack of sleep - but if that’s what it takes, then that’s what’s going to happen.”

She ran her hand through her hair, turning her attention back to the task at hand, more than a little annoyed at the fact she’d have to restaff. As if she didn’t have enough to worry about yet. “Fine.” She nodded. “I’ll send you a list. Get me some good recruits, and make sure you don’t leave Kevin in charge of them. The last thing we want is another Rourke fiasco.”

 

“I can get you names, probably physical assessments too, but I’ll need to be healed a little more first.” Holtzmann pinched the bridge of her nose, letting out a soft sigh as she offered her hand to Erin. “We’ll get this fixed.”

She sighed then, walking back over to Holtzmann and taking her hand, sitting don next to her as she leaned her head on the blonde’s shoulder. “Just don’t do this again.” She murmured, her fingers trailing lightly over the gunshot wound on Holtzmann’s side. “I can’t lose you, Holtz… Don’t make me bury you.”

 

She wrapped her arm around Erin, knowing that she meant well, that she was just concerned… But they would have to work through some things if they wanted to be together. Holtzmann nodded in agreement at her words though. “Okay. Just let me know the names.”

Holtzmann then shifted a little, considering things. She hated not being able to work, but she would still be close to Erin. “Would you be opposed to me bringing in some people I know from my family? It could be a step in integrating the two, if that’s something you’d be interested in. Quietly, of course.”

She looked up at Holtzmann when she spoke again, her brow furrowing as she considered the offer. “I want to speak to them personally before you integrate them.” Erin replied, biting her lip as she weighed the pros and cons. “But I wouldn’t be opposed to that, no.”

“I’ll bring you a list in the morning.” Erin nodded, finding herself curling up closer to Holtzmann. “You’re still staying over tonight?” Having the blonde near her helped calm her, somehow, the warmth of her skin and her rhythmic breathing serving as assurances for Erin that she was, in fact, still there. That at least for now, she was still alive, that they had some times together still.

 

She smiled to herself at the other woman’s question. It was nice, knowing that there was someone in this world wanted you to be safe and sound every night. Holtzmann nodded, turning her head to press a kiss to Erin’s head. “Yeah. I’m staying.”

The blonde leaned back, resting back on the bed and pulling Erin down with her as she let out a content sigh, enjoying the contact. “I can arrange that meeting you want with them. It won’t be a problem.”

Erin found herself smiling at the gesture, closing her eyes as she leaned against the blonde. Holtzmann was staying. At least for now, the blonde was staying. They were still a mess, the both of them, and they still had a lot of things to work on, but for once, Erin actually felt like they could do it. Like they could get there in the end.

(Probably a perk of both of them being stubborn as hell sometimes)

“Good.” She nodded, allowing Holtzmann to pull her down as she let out a content sigh. “Do you think I can take the rest of the day off?” She hummed, feeling herself relax as she breathed in the comforting scent of the blonde. “Just stay here with you for a little while longer, let Filmore handle the unimportant stuff…”

 

Holtzmann was happy, content, at ease. All things that had been considered a rarity for so long, especially since Jennifer’s death, yet here she was. The assassin rolled her wrist, getting it to pop before the questions reached her. 

Filmore…

Erin had only been partially joking about taking the day off, knowing it was a virtual impossibility for her but still wanting to at least take another 15 minutes of time to herself before she had to go back. Maybe take a nap, if things stayed quiet. As a result, she didn’t put much stock into Holtzmann’s words initially, even as she felt the blonde tense against her.

The blonde's eyes popped open, bright blue eyes set in a seriousness as she stared at the ceiling. “Actually. Wait….” She became quiet for a moment, piecing together the puzzle. “I let him handle the rotations for the past few weeks since your father’s death,,, because I wasn’t able to do it… I was with you. With-.” She sat up, quickly, and turned to look down at Erin, the blonde’s voice a hurried whisper.

Only when the blonde sat up, Erin unceremoniously losing her human pillow and feeling her head hit the mattress with an annoyed groan, did she realize what Holtzmann had been saying.

“It was him. Filmore let him in.” Then her eyes blazed, anger slowly boiling over as she made to reach for her holster and blazer.

Her initial instinct was to berate Holtzmann for not consulting her on putting Filmore in charge first, but she vaguely recalled a few comments being made and Erin blatantly dismissing her as her attention was very much pre-occupied by getting Holtzmann out of her clothes and into her bed.

Oops

“Fuck. That lying sack of shit.” She cursed, before grabbing Holtzmann’s hand and stopping her. “No. Stop. You’re not rushing into this headfirst. Last time you did that you nearly died, and he’s probably been planning this. Not as properly as we have, which is where we have the advantage, but you can’t just rush in there. He probably has a few more of my men on his side.” And she felt herself bristling at that, the knowledge some of her father’s men would kill his daughter because they couldn’t see a woman in charge igniting a fire inside her.

Well, at least it seemed she found an outlet for her rage. She was almost looking forward to making an example out of these men.

Holtzmann felt herself halted and she turned to look down at Erin, her blue eyes were blazing with a fire as she gazed towards the woman on the bed. Holtzmann wanted to find him, gut him, and let him bleed out on the floor… But Erin, her sweet and vicious Erin, had other plans. She could see them formulating.

“Then what will you have me do?” She still held her holster in her hand, but made no attempt to pull it on. Instead, she stood, frozen in place. Holtzmann’s eyes flicked around the room, suddenly feeling vulnerable… as if she had been played, she hated that feeling.

Satisfied that Holtzmann wasn’t going to immediately run off in a murderous rage, Erin let go of her hand, getting up from the bed herself as she moved to grab her usual set of concealed weaponry - while she assumed Filmore was taking a few more days to implement his coup, she didn’t want to take any chances.

“Gather information, see how deep this betrayal goes.” Erin replied, turning to look at Holtzmann again. “And then call Gorin; we’re going to be severely understaffed starting tomorrow, and there’s something the new staff should see.” 

She knew she had to make an example out of Filmore, as well as out of the men who helped him. She had to make sure everyone knew this sort of betrayal simply wouldn’t do, not under her administration.

She watched Erin move with studious eyes, taking in the details, she knew what the other woman was going to do… hell it was the same thing she would’ve done, except Holtzmann would use knives…

Holtzmann pulled out her phone, encrypting it, and finally dialing a number. She didn’t even bother turning away from Erin. If they were going to share everything, now was not the time to hide. “Hello, Mother.” There was a pause.

“Yes, it was good seeing you as well…. I’m sorry too…. No, no we talked about it.” She rolled her eyes and shifted her weight. “Yes… Yes… Yes we did. Okay Mom… Mom…” She covered the mic with her hand and mouthed She likes you to Erin before finally cutting off Gorin.

Erin found herself rolling her eyes in disbelief when Holtzmann mouthed that apparently Gorin liked her, sincerely doubting that statement as she grabbed a pen and a notepad and scribbled something down.

Point. Make it. This is time-sensitive.

“Mother we need to talk… No, this is about work. I need some staff.” After that, the conversation became serious and the business concluded quickly with a rare set of I love you and I love you too.

Erin strapped the gun to her hip, glad it wasn’t uncommon for her to be walking around armed. For good measure, however, she also hid a few knives on her person, before leaning back against her desk, waiting for Holtzmann to wrap up her conversation with a small smile on her lips. In a way, she enjoyed watching the blonde interact with her former mentor, the person who was all but a mother to her… Well, girlfriend? Maybe? Who knew, really. Girlfriend sounded oddly innocent for people like them.

She smiled as the conversation turned more business-like, Erin mentally planning out how to best make her next few moves from here. She wondered how difficult it would be to lift Filmore and his men from their beds one-by-one tonight to have them ready for their executions in the morning, and jotted the suggestion down for Holtzmann to communicate to Gorin. Despite the need for a public execution, she wanted the gathering of the men done quietly, as to not give them a chance to spring a surprise attack on them after all.

“It’s been arranged.” She walked over to Erin, pushing her phone back into her pocket and taking the taller woman’s hand. Despite the circumstances, a small smile spread across her features. “Okay yeah, she really likes you… also, she told me to let you know that if you hurt me you will end up in not just one river, but several. Sooooooo that’s a thing now.”

When Holtzmann hung up, Erin walked over to her, softly kissing her cheek. “Thank you.” she smiled, even as a grimace appeared on her face at the mention of Rebecca Gorin. “She really scares me, I just need you to know that.”

“I’m going to meet our lovely new staff in about 30 minutes near the back entrance. I sense that you would like to use them immediately for one reason or another.” Her smiled shifted from happy to mischievous as Erin’s comment sank in. 

“Where do you think I learned to scare people?” She gently nudged Erin’s chin with her fingertips, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to the taller woman’s lips before taking a moment to put on her shoulder holster and blazer, fighting with her lapels for a moment given her bum arm.

“Care to tell me what devious and murderous plan if running through that pretty head of yours?” Her eyes flashed for a split second. “You know it drives me wild when you talk dirty.” There it was, the familiar flirtations. She felt a little better, avoiding the dark place she normally fell into. She had to fight that now, she had to otherwise she would turn into something that Erin and herself wouldn’t be able to handle.

At least Holtzmann had some closure, Jennifer’s ring still settled on her hand.

Erin rolled her eyes at the comment, before placing her hands on Jillian’s shoulder, pulling her in and making the kiss last a little but longer.

“In a way…” Erin hummed with a smile, glancing at the alarm clock before grimacing. Apparently, it was only 4PM. Shit. She assumed they’d need a little more time to gather the necessary info before she could put the new staff to work, Erin knowing the value of patience in this business. “Do you think you could bring them to the bunkers? Apologize for the inconvenience, but if I bring in the new men before I’ve filtered out the rats, the vermin might spook. Assure them they’ll be catered to their every whim, and they will be well-compensated for their time.”

She found herself chuckling as she helped Holtzmann with her blazer, pressing a kiss to the spot just below her ear as she did. “Patience, lover.” She grinned, turning Holtzmann around before stealing another kiss from her lips. “You know the rules about business and pleasure. You give me the information I need, and I’ll tell you all about what I have in store for tomorrow.”

 

“Ooooooooo.” She tilted her head up just slightly, smirking now and lifting an eyebrow before shooting Erin a wink. Business as usual. “I like the agreement.” Holtzmann couldn’t help but chuckle a little before walking around the desk to pour both of them a shot of vodka, handing Erin one and clinking the glass together.

“This will prove to be an interesting afternoon.” She knocked back the shot, truly needing it after the past 48 hours. Holtzmann was considering her options, knowing that it wouldn’t be difficult to intercept her people before they ever reached the mansion. 

“I know these men, personally. It wouldn’t be hard for me to make a call and tell them to go hang out somewhere for a couple hours until lock down.” She shrugged and then watched Erin, she was always so attractive, so maddening… when she was utterly determined like this. 

Erin just smirked at her, knocking back the shot before nodding at Holtzmann. “If you could, please. I don’t want them to know we know, so I need their capture done quietly. The last thing we need is more staff deaths due to infighting.” Turf wars were bad enough in and of itself. If Erin got her employees fighting inside the house… With Holtzmann the way she was, that would certainly not end well.

She wrapped her arms around Holtzmann’s neck then, leaning in and keeping her lips mere inches from Holtzmann’s. “Don’t you worry. You’ll get your fun, I promise. But for now, I’m going to need you to behave for me. Can you do that?”

 

“Give me a kiss and I’ll make another phone call.” She brushed her lips against Erin’s, smiling just slightly as she wrapped her good arm around the taller woman, pulling her flush. 

As badly as she wanted to just walk up to the old man and sink a blade between his ribs, it wasn’t her place. This was her woman’s family, her business, and she’d respect that. “I’ll be good… and we’ll take care of this.”

“I better make it a good one, then.” Erin chuckled, still smiling as she kissed Holtzmann, her fingers playing with a few loose curls at the nape of the blonde’s neck. Teeth lightly scraping over the blonde’s bottom lip, Erin pulled back again, an oddly content look still lingering on her face.   
“Now go.” She nodded, placing her hands on Holtzmann’s shoulder again. “And remember; quiet and careful.” She was about to let go and leave Holtzmann to it, when she seemed to remember something. “Oh, and one more thing,” She added, before cupping Holtzmann’s face in her hands and pressing another searing kiss to her lips. “You’re not dying for anyone but me. Got it?” She really was going to have to work on the ‘I love you’ thing, but it was a start, at least.

 

She returned the kiss with equal fervour, savoring the feeling before taking a breath once they drew themselves apart. Holtzmann knew what the older woman meant, the true meaning behind the words, but she didn’t question it… she merely agreed. “Of course, darling.” 

She nodded to Erin, acknowledging what needed to be done. Holtzmann reached out and took her cigarettes from the night stand, lighting one as she started to fish out her phone once more. “I’ll be back in a bit. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure I know where you are. I promise.”

“Good.” Erin flashed her a smile, a genuine one, one of equal parts bliss and apologies that she couldn’t be better, that she still had things to work on. But it was a start. It would have to do.

Double-checking she was sufficiently armed, Erin followed her out of the room, knowing she had her own work to do lest she arouse suspicion. “I’ll be in the office.” She nodded, picking up her phone from the desk and pocketing it. “Let me know when you know more, and I’ll talk to you later.” She wanted to warn Holtzmann to be careful, but she felt like that might be pushing it a little. She didn’t want to hover too much. Plus, she trusted the woman to take care of herself, trusted Holtzmann to do what was best.

(Still.. there was something disconcerting about knowing the person you loved was going off to do something potentially dangerous when they had a short temper and were already injured)


End file.
